Then and Now
by JustClem
Summary: Grace has always loved Dani. She fears this very love will one day drive Dani away from her.


Everyone loves Dani.

It's not hard to see why.

She's not only brave, tactical, quick on her feet; aspects that make her a good leader, but she's a good person as well.

It's in the way she helps the elderly, and the children, and worries not just about food supplies, but medicines that everyone needs direly.

It's in the way she tries to remember everyone's names, even people who aren't active in the resistance—the ones too useless to do anything.

It's in the way she winces and rubs her neck when she mispronounces or forgets people's names, as though she really does feel guilty about it.

She makes everyone feel human by acting like one.

And that may not sound like much, but in the world of ruins and machines and survival and nothing else, there's something endearing in the way humanity's last hope snorts whenever she laughs.

Everyone loves her.

Grace loves her too.

She's just not sure it's the kind of love everyone else feels towards her.

…

Grace wants to be like her.

She tells Dani this when they're practising their aim in a desert. It's a 6-hour journey from any water or food source, and it's not livable. It's why machines don't patrol here, and it makes for a good practise field.

That's what Dani says, anyway.

Dani looks at Grace with a strange glint in her eyes. She puts her hands on her hips and smiles airily and lightly. "Do you now?"

Grace nods and squares her shoulders. She's not as scrawny and weak as she once was, but she's far from ready to fight any terminators. She'll get there though. And she'll get there sooner than anyone can say they'll be back. "Yes! Yes, I wanna be like you! I wanna be brave and amazing and- and I wanna save people!"

The sun's setting down. Everyone else has begun to make their way back. Grace stays where she is. Dani entrances her, as she entrances everyone.

"You know…" She tucks her hair back, and looks to the distance. Grace tries to look at what Dani is looking, but finds nothing but sand and remnants of buildings and vehicles. "I don't think I want you to be like me."

Her words offend Grace. "But- but why?" It hurts. It hurts to know that Dani doesn't want her to be brave, or kind, or amazing. Does Dani think she's not good enough to be like her? Does Dani think she'll never be good enough?

Dani is an adult, and she isn't. Grace knows this, and knows that it's why she'll never be with Dani. It does nothing to lessen her love for her. For some stupid reason, it amplifies it.

Dani is everything she wants to be and more. She has kind eyes, a kinder smile, and the kindest of laughs. She's kind. It's why Grace loves her. More than her bravery, more than her intelligence, and more than the machines she's terminated.

It's her kindness. That's what Grace loves.

Because kindness is hope.

And hope is kind of everything in a place like this.

A hand on top of her head distracts Grace from the rest of her thoughts. Dani's smiling at her, and leaning down to be eye-level with her. "I want you to be better than me."

"How?" How can one be better than the hope for humanity?

Dani's chuckles. Her smile softens. It takes Grace's breath away. "I don't know, Grace, but you'll figure it out."

Grace prays it's the truth.

…

Grace fights, and struggles, and screams herself hoarse until she isn't the same scrawny kid who needs savings from thieves anymore.

There are rumours spreading. Rumours about a time machine. About sending a terminator back to the past to kill Dani before she's strong enough to defend herself, before she bothers with learning how to defend herself in the first place.

There are more rumours. Ones about Dani's plan to send something to the past as well. Something more alive than a terminator. Something to save the Dani of then so the Dani of now will continue to survive and thrive and save humanity.

There are rumours. That the machine isn't made for humans. That humans will feel an excruciating amount of pain going through time. That humans have a high probability of not surviving the journey. That this plan is stupid, and anyone who wishes to volunteer is a fool.

So Grace keeps fighting, and Grace keeps getting stronger, and smarter, and more capable.

She wants to be the one to save Dani, for once.

Grace wants to make it.

…

Grace makes it.

(Everything hurts, and her body feels like it's been electrocuted and mounted in lava and she wants to destroy everything until the pain goes away but—) Grace makes it.

…

Grace sees it, bits of the Dani she sees in the future. It's hidden well, but it's there. She's no doubt that this is Dani.

At the same time, she can't believe this is Dani.

This. Her. This is Dani. This, the scrawny girl who doubts herself and doesn't think before she does things and pales at the sight of a gun, is Dani.

It confuses Grace. And it warms her heart.

"I'm here to protect you," she says to Dani, because it's true, more than anything. "I'll never let anything hurt you."

…

Sarah's words cut through Grace. Grace doesn't understand her, or why her words hurt, just that they do, and she's had enough of her bullshit.

So Grace trudges away into the most secluded part of the train, which isn't all that secluded.

Grace sits down at the edge of the train, and lets her feet dangle. She watches the way they sway, and shake, and bump against each other.

It's a distraction. That's what it is. Grace lets it distract her. The mind-numbing of it is better than thinking about Sarah, and her words, and the way she looks at Grace like she's a machine, like she's one of _them_, the bastards who hurt Dani, who hurt _everyone–_

"Hey." Dani is sitting next to Grace. Their legs brush against each other, Dani's warmth a contrast to Grace's lack of it. "Don't let her get to you."

Grace looks at Dani, and marvels at how young she is. The lack of sharpness in her features and steel in her eyes unnerve Grace and calm her down. This. This will be the woman who'll save all of humanity.

"You should get some rest."

Dani has a snort in her laugh. So some things never change, ey? "Yeah. Like I'll be able to."

It warms Grace's non-existing heart, lowers her shoulders, and softens her features. "Sleep is important. You'll not function well if you don't get enough rest."

She turns to Grace sharply, taking her aback. "What about you?"

"Me?"

"Will you get some rest?"

"I'm enhanced. I don't need rest."

It's supposed to be an attempt to reassure Dani that there's nothing to worry about. It isn't supposed to furrow her brows and make her bite her lip.

She stares at Grace for one, two, five seconds, and Grace sees a bit of her, the old Dani, the one she'll become, analysing and processing and figuring out a way to solve this invisible problem, as well as the new one, worried and tired and scared.

"If you're not sleeping, then I'm not."

Grace gawks at her. "This- It's not about that!" It's about look-out. It's about making sure no one in this crowded train poses a threat to any of them. It's about making sure there are no drones in the sky capturing their faces, or cameras in the land, a few feet to their left or right, taking pictures of them without them noticing.

It's about precaution. It's about safety. It's about Dani.

(It's always about Dani.)

Dani pouts up at her. "Fine then." She drags her bag closer, opens the zipper, rummages through it, and pulls out a thermos. When did she find the time to get herself a thermos? Why, out of all things, did she prioritise a thermos?

Dani pours herself the drink from the thermos. It's coffee, Grace realises. And it has an unGodly amount of sugar.

"I never go anywhere without this," Dani says, an impish grin on her face as she puts the cup below her nose and inhales overdramatically. "I literally can_not _function without it." To Grace's surprise, Dani holds the cup towards her, expectant. "I know you can drink."

Grace wants to tell her that it's better for Dani not to share, and get all of the coffee for herself, since it's wiser, because Grace doesn't need to eat or drink. But Dani's stare is commanding, and glaring, and Grace finds herself gulping and blushing and mumbling a small thanks.

…

Dani gets sleepy after 20 minutes. She pretends she doesn't, but Grace can tell.

Dani's eyes droop, her shoulders sag, and her posture slouches after 24 minutes. She'll cave in soon.

25 minutes later, and her head is on Grace's arm, and her entire body leans into Grace. Grace doesn't mind. She enjoys the warmth.

Dani semi-awakens 47 minutes later, asking how long she's been asleep. "Only three minutes," Grace says. Dani hums, nods to herself blearily, and tells Grace she needs three more minutes of shut-eye, then she'll go back to watch over everything alongside Grace.

Dani wakes up again 178 minutes later, her breath on Grace's neck, her lips ghosting her collarbone. Grace has to hold her to keep her from falling down. Dani is quite the adventurous and restless sleeper.

"You should've woken me," she says, her accent shining through the haze of sleep.

"Sorry."

"No you're not." She yawns, and stretches, and Grace doesn't deny her. She freezes in Grace's arms, and Grace wonders if holding her like this, being close to her like this, and letting herself get closer is the right move, or if it's too far and she's being too hopeful. Dani inches closer to her. Their noses touch. "You're pretty."

Grace blinks, and blinks again. She doesn't know what to say. "Um, thanks?"

"Like, really, very pretty."

"You still need your rest."

Grace's attempts—more like pleas, if she's being honest—to change the subject is ignored. "Thank you for everything."

Grace looks away from her, and into the distance. She sees nothing but the desert, blurring away in motions as the train continues its journey to get them to some place safer. (As if there is a place safe from that monster.)

She senses Dani move her head, trying to see what Grace is seeing.

The sun's begun to come up. Grace remembers a time like this, where they both watch the sun, together and alone, secluded from the world.

Only, the sun was coming down instead of up, and _Grace_ was the scrawny kid who didn't know how to shoot a gun.

"I want to be like you."

Grace freezes.

_Those words… _

She looks at Dani, bewildered. "What?"

She can see Dani blushing, even in this low lighting. "You're brave, and you stop at nothing to protect me, to protect all of us, and… I want to be like you."

It exhilarates her in a way she doesn't expect seeing Dani like this. Vulnerable and as young as she. It gives her hope. Dani always gives her hope. But this hope is different. The Dani of then gave her a future for humanity. But this Dani? The one snuggled up into her and as weak as a kitten? This Dani gives her a future for herself.

So Grace smiles a true smile, and lets herself hope.

They'll make it.

…

(They don't make it.)


End file.
